Bliss

Bliss. I am feeling the sheer happiness I couldn’t find for years. True to my bones and blessed euphoria. I do not think that there is any connection to any particular event or life situation, just came on one day. I have been blessed enough to ride out this euphoria for a few months now. The only thing that I have come up with is that it was another “wait” situation from above.

Would I be able to recognize this euphoria, if not given years of confusion and depression? I do not think that it would be euphoric, maybe just pleasant. Maybe God in all His infinite wisdom decided that I needed a while of sadness in order to truly appreciate happiness. Strangest thing is that I have no idea why now.

Don’t get me wrong. I am hands down pleased and by no means mentioning this as a means of more confusion. I am pleasantly euphoric.

I have thought a lot about this new happiness and have come to two conclusions. For one, it is an answer to prayer. It was a long awaited answer, but it’s an answer none the less. An answer I waited a few years for because God knows I didn’t like the “wait” answer. I was waiting for the “yes, you can be happy where you are now,” answer.

Secondly, (and oddly), I have always had it on my heart to write a book. I enjoy writing, mostly for it gives a destination for all the wacked out thoughts that run circles in my head. However, I knew that as long as I was not “happy”, I was honestly in no position to write.

I saw an Opera episode a while back where she interviewed a beautiful girl struggling with anorexia. The girl mentioned that she wanted to write a book. Opera got all Opera irate on her and passionately told the girl that she had to get better before she even thought about writing a book. I never really knew why that stuck in my mind, but it really stayed with me. I was not in a position to write a book when my heart was stuck in “waiting” mode and my mind in longing and depression.

So back to secondly (and oddly). I prayed for contentment. I know what I want in life and I know where I want it. I have been given an amazing gift of contentment through years of waiting, and here is my thank you. I will start to write and share of the journey that is yet to be completed.

I thought that the happiness would come when I had great job, was out of debt and of course was not alone anymore because I was always with the man God has created for me. Well, none of that has happened, and here I am writing anyway. Funny. I thought I would have those three things before I talked about my journey through waiting. But ironically enough, I am still there, but content in life.

Not to get all Christian cliché, but just to give credit where it is due, it’s all God. So I guess I am going to set out on a little journey of writing about waiting and the things I have learned along the way. I am writing about waiting, while still waiting for the things I have always waited for. Yes, that would be right. Not the order I ever planned, let alone even making sense in my human mind.

I don’t have the “answers” ( whatever that may be), just a slew of strange situations, obscene, rude and oddly inappropriate comments and of course multiple ways of dealing with the infamous question, “Why are you single?” This journey has not come at a time in my life I thought it would, but as you will see, a lot of the things I have experienced do not come in my timing. Apparently God and I are really off on our understanding of appropriate timing.

If I would stand in front of Him today I would have a line of questions. Asking Him why he couldn’t line us up on this timing issue is currently sandwiched between “What’s up with my miserable skin?” and, “I truly praise you and thank you for your timing, because I am fully aware I am living the journey.”

That is why I write.