Broken Beauty

I had a grip of shimmering sea glass in one hand, and was holding my balance with the other, as a fisherman stumbled by and mumbled, "What are you doing down there?" I replied with a chipper tone that I was looking for sea glass. He looked at me with smirk, and audaciously made some comment about me collecting trash. I took deep offense, as if the comment was personal. I thought about why this was so offensive to me, after all, I didn't create sea glass. Ultimately, sea glass has been an escape for me, and even more importantly, a love letter from God.

I was in Africa for a year. Upon returning I felt out of place, lonely, and misunderstood on a few levels, to say the least. At that time, my good friend Rachel invited me to go "sea glass hunting." We found a few pieces, and I thought that they were amazingly beautiful, especially when they were held up to the light, like sea gems. I regarded these fragments as something that was neat when seen, but nothing that necessarily needed to be sought out. I took my small handful from the day home, placed them on a shelf, and didn't think much about them. But I thought that the experience was calming, and it was pleasing to feel that you have found a rare "treasure" among the various other things the sea offers on the shore.

Later that month, as life (in my eyes) should have settled into "normal", I was irritated that I couldn't find a job, a place to live, or friends in the area. While I was in Africa, my closest friends had gotten married, moved and even had children (it was an eventful year). I felt like I was chasing my tail, not doing anything to get me to that "pinnacle of life".

The beach has always been a sanctuary for me, so I "escaped" a lot along the sandy shores that

year. This particular day, as I walked along the beach, I was honest with God, telling Him that I was angry with the path He has taken me on. I was frustrated that I had given Him my life, and I was feeling beat up, confused, broken, and alone. I remember questioning Him in an agitated tone "Can't you see that I have worked hard to serve you? Why has that left me so lonely and misunderstood? Why has everyone gotten to move one, and I was across the globe? What do you really expect me to do with everything you have shown me and allowed me to experience?" As I was praying this through tears, I looked down, and amidst a pile of gray rocks lied an amazing cobalt blue piece of sea glass. I fell to my knees and realized my answer.

That small piece of broken glass was stunning. It stood out among the rocks and was a treasure not understood my many. That piece at one time was part of a bottle, serving a purpose, and I would have imagined pretty content with being useful and valued. Then, as part of it's journey it's current purpose was finished, and it was broken, beaten, jostled among the waves, and abused for a period of time. It was only after the time of grinding and being tossed among the waves that it's beauty could be revealed. It truly was that, beauty among the rocks.

As I looked down. I felt understood. I felt that God has allowed me my times of being tossed among the waves, only to polish and reveal the character He has intended. At times I am broken and even shattered, but that is the first step to standing out among the rocks of life, revealing His goodness and faithfulness. I looked down and knew that this short time of being uncomfortable and shaken is going to result in a journey better than I could ever dream.

I still have that blue piece of broken glass sitting in my small apartment. I see it, and know that there are many things in this life that will cause me to break and ultimately feel grinded on. It isn't about this imaginary pinnacle, because the journey will always have monstrous waves and grinding sand. It is my His design that we shine from these things. I hope one day I can be as beautiful as that glass was on that day; shining among the gray dullness of this world as an indication of God's grace, love and ultimate faithful design.