"Why, yes I am!"
Single? Married? Our society uses these classifications like they are elementary grade school levels. Is knowing that answer really supposed to tell you anything? What do we really gather about a person, one you have never met mind you, by knowing if they are married or single? I hate that question, and not because I am in the single category. Logically speaking, has anyone ever really come up with an answer that doesn't make at least one of the two parties involved not feel awkward? It is a question our society treats as a general "small talk" starter, but in reality, I have found it (in addition to the question, "why don't you have children?) to be loaded.
You never know what a person's personal battle may be in this relational area of her life. What if she just got her heart put through a meat grinder? What if she is dealing with a family member who is sick and doesn't have the time (literally)? What if she just can't find a quality person, but pray nightly that the situation would change? Asking the question, simply reminds her that she is "different" and takes a potentially pleasant conversation and plunges it into a pit of an internal battle. If that person is anything like me, the question brings up a possible smorgas-borg of "reasons" and excuses that have been rummaging through my brain, multiplying with every bridesmaid dress I buy. I guarantee the answer, "I don't have time", or "I am happy single", are about as legit as Sandra Bullock saying she would love to take back Jesse James. (small one percent....maybe.)
As I asked earlier, how are you really supposed to answer the question? I mean, do these strangers (and they are, or else they would know that answer - if there is even one) genuinely want an answer? What do you really say other than, "I don't know." Even then, that sounds like you are naive about what is supposedly really going on. Let's face it, people think about it a lot, single and married. You cannot escape the topic. It is EVERYWHERE! So I have come up with my top ten responses to curve the "I don't know" (which is always followed by a pathetic look) response. Give anyone one of these responses, and I have found that I have the upper hand in the conversation.
1. I have bad skin. (easy way to change the subject....especially with Chaldean's!)
2. I am apparently not seen fit by God. (this is always followed by a look of shock)
3. I have one. I just keep him in my attic.
4. I have been told I have a really weird personality. Boyfriends must be for normal people.
5. I must be ugly. Thoughts?
6. Gosh, have I told you about all the cool things God has done in my life? (this one really leaves them perplexed because it doesn't even address the question...awesome!)
7. The last one has a restraining order against me. Since then, no one wants to date me.
8. Hmmmm...What do you think?
9. I must smell. Can you smell me right now?
10. Like it is hard to get a "boyfriend"? Have you not been to a bar?
11. I look really bad in white, so I am taking all possible measures to avoid it.
12. I am in a classroom for seven hours a day and there aren't any divorced single dads this year. Darn!
13. Then the sure fire, "What are you really looking for here?"
You never know what a person's personal battle may be in this relational area of her life. What if she just got her heart put through a meat grinder? What if she is dealing with a family member who is sick and doesn't have the time (literally)? What if she just can't find a quality person, but pray nightly that the situation would change? Asking the question, simply reminds her that she is "different" and takes a potentially pleasant conversation and plunges it into a pit of an internal battle. If that person is anything like me, the question brings up a possible smorgas-borg of "reasons" and excuses that have been rummaging through my brain, multiplying with every bridesmaid dress I buy. I guarantee the answer, "I don't have time", or "I am happy single", are about as legit as Sandra Bullock saying she would love to take back Jesse James. (small one percent....maybe.)
As I asked earlier, how are you really supposed to answer the question? I mean, do these strangers (and they are, or else they would know that answer - if there is even one) genuinely want an answer? What do you really say other than, "I don't know." Even then, that sounds like you are naive about what is supposedly really going on. Let's face it, people think about it a lot, single and married. You cannot escape the topic. It is EVERYWHERE! So I have come up with my top ten responses to curve the "I don't know" (which is always followed by a pathetic look) response. Give anyone one of these responses, and I have found that I have the upper hand in the conversation.
1. I have bad skin. (easy way to change the subject....especially with Chaldean's!)
2. I am apparently not seen fit by God. (this is always followed by a look of shock)
3. I have one. I just keep him in my attic.
4. I have been told I have a really weird personality. Boyfriends must be for normal people.
5. I must be ugly. Thoughts?
6. Gosh, have I told you about all the cool things God has done in my life? (this one really leaves them perplexed because it doesn't even address the question...awesome!)
7. The last one has a restraining order against me. Since then, no one wants to date me.
8. Hmmmm...What do you think?
9. I must smell. Can you smell me right now?
10. Like it is hard to get a "boyfriend"? Have you not been to a bar?
11. I look really bad in white, so I am taking all possible measures to avoid it.
12. I am in a classroom for seven hours a day and there aren't any divorced single dads this year. Darn!
13. Then the sure fire, "What are you really looking for here?"
14. Can you get me one? ....by Friday?
This list grows by the week. I am just fully loaded right now. I was asked three times on Thursday. Really, no sarcasm there. Hate the question and I choose to have a little fun with it. I'm not mean spirited, just looking for a giggle amidst the potential downers in life. Success!
This list grows by the week. I am just fully loaded right now. I was asked three times on Thursday. Really, no sarcasm there. Hate the question and I choose to have a little fun with it. I'm not mean spirited, just looking for a giggle amidst the potential downers in life. Success!
posted by Lilly Underfoot @ 8:32 PM
1 Comments
1 Comments:
Yeah, when you think about it, it is an odd question to ask a stranger. I think you should just say, "No, are you?" If the person is a stranger you really wouldn't know, even if it seems obvious. When he/she answers, turn the questions back on him/her. Such as, when, where, big or small, kids now?, In the future? And ask "Why" after every answer!! Then when they are finished talking about themself say, "Well it was nice meeting you." and move on.
Think of the other answers this question could promote which could be equally difficult to answer..."No, I'm divorced.", "I'm a widow", "I'm gay", "Almost, he/she left me at the altar".
How about other starter questions?
Where do you live? "Nowhere, I'm homeless."
Where do you work? "Nowhere, I'm unemployed."
Do you have kids? "Nope, I'm unable."
Where were you born? "Don't know, I'm adopted."
Republican, Democrat or religion? All are crapshoot answers!
Geesh!! Makes you paranoid to try to meet someone new!I think I'll just stay home!
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